Quotes by Woody Allen

Quotes by Woody Allen (US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 – ))

  • “I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.”
    by Woody Allen
  • “It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.”
    by Woody Allen
  • “Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.”
    by Woody Allen
  • “Eighty percent of success is showing up.”
    by Woody Allen
  • “I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.”
    by Woody Allen
  • “I think being funny is not anyone’s first choice.”
    by Woody Allen
  • “Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering – and it’s all over much too soon.”
    by Woody Allen
  • “It is impossible to experience one’s death objectively and still carry a tune.”
    by Woody Allen
  • “It is impossible to experience one’s death objectively and still carry a tune.”
    by Woody Allen
  • “I failed to make the chess team because of my height.”
    by Woody Allen
  • “I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.”
    by Woody Allen
  • “I don’t believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.”
    by Woody Allen
  • “My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.”
    by Woody Allen
  • “I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.”
    by Woody Allen
  • “There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?”
    by Woody Allen
  • “On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down .”
    by Woody Allen
  • “There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?”
    by Woody Allen
  • “I don’t believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.”
    by Woody Allen
  • “The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.”
    by Woody Allen
  • “His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.”
    by Woody Allen

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